Mixed Flaggs
by Radio-Radio
Summary: Colonel Flagg is back - looking for potential payroll robbery suspects and making life more complicated for the 4077th.. A spy may be in the area. Klinger tries to improve his bartending skills with some new drinks at the Officer's Club.
1. Chapter 1

Corporal Klinger was sorting through the mail. He'd deliver it later, so it was best to get it organized when he had a spare moment. The aroma of perfume, cologne and various baked goods from the incoming mail blended together in a surprisingly pleasant mix. It reminded Klinger of Tom's Bakery in Toledo. People would wait in line for fresh bread and donuts – Tom's was the best, he thought. When he was in elementary school, his Uncle Hassim would take him every Friday afternoon to get a fresh donut. They'd talk about the Mud Hens, the family – from time to time, a little about school. Uncle Hassim was very friendly and easy to talk to. It was no wonder he had a large group of repeat customers at his Barbershop. Klinger remembered helping in the back when he was young, and the great laughter that had come from joking men.

His reverie was interrupted by a loud "bam" on his desk. Looking up, he saw Colonel Flagg. Great.

"Colonel," Klinger said, "How may I help you?"

Flagg looked at Klinger for several seconds.

"You are that nut who kept wearing dresses to get out of the army," Flagg stated, "I guess that little joke didn't work."

"I'm company clerk, now. I don't have time for fashion," Klinger replied, "Those dresses raised a lot of money for the orphanage."

"What were you doing in those dresses?" Flagg leaned over Klinger.

"Colonel Flagg, I wasn't in the dresses. I sold the dresses and gave all the money to the orphanage that Father Mulcahy works with," Klinger's voice rose slightly.

"So, that's your story," Flagg responded.

"No, it's what happened. You're the one turning it into a story," Klinger replied.

"Soldier," Flagg shouted, "Watch how you speak to officers!"

"Yes, Colonel," Klinger resigned, "How can I help you today?"

"Potter in?" Flagg inquired, "Never mind, corporal. I'll just go into his office. If he's not there, I'll wait for him."

Flagg walked past Klinger and into Colonel Potter's office. The Colonel looked up from the paperwork he was reviewing.

"Colonel Flagg," Potter said, "To what do we owe this displeasure?"

"Potter," Flagg was stone faced, "I'm here to investigate a crime."

"I'd start with the cook," Potter replied.

Flagg sat on the edge of Colonel Potter's desk.

"Listen, Colonel. We had a payroll robbery, yesterday. It appeared that the criminals were headed this way. These are pros. They set up a fake checkpoint and had men hiding off to the side. When the jeep stopped, 5 armed men aimed their rifles at the three people in the jeep. The payroll was handed over and the soldiers surrendered their guns. The thieves then disabled the jeep by shooting all 4 tires into flat ones. To make their getaway smooth, they took the one radio from the jeep. They then got into a truck painted to look like it belonged to the Army, and drove off. They haven't been seen since. We have good descriptions from the three soldiers. And we found their abandoned truck 7 miles south of here. My nose tells me they are nearby. I'll find them."

"Flagg," Potter surrendered, "I understand. You'll have our full cooperation on this."

"That would be much better than the goofballs I've had to deal with here, before," Flagg replied, "Pierce and Hunnicut, specifically."

"Colonel Flagg. They are doctors, first. I don't want you interrupting any medical procedures or interrogating ANY of my staff. I've got a damn good group here and I won't have you mess that up," Potter stood up and glared at Flagg, "Now, get out. I've got work to do and so do you. Keep me updated regarding your search."

"My work is secret," Flagg answered, "Even I don't know why I am doing something."

"Fine by me," Potter replied, "I've noticed that."

Flagg walked to the door, "Colonel, I'm going to search for those five men. If they are here, I'll find them. If they aren't, I'll still find them." Then, he left. Klinger immediately rushed into Colonel Potter's office.

"Son," Colonel Potter began, "That man's elevator doesn't go up to the roof."

"Oh Colonel, My Colonel, What can I do to help?" Klinger asked.

"Let folks know they are about to be asked a bunch of foolish questions, and some of them will be followed for no reason," Potter answered.

"I heard about the payroll, Sir," Klinger began, "Do you think Colonel Flagg can find those guys?"

"Ever since I got here, Flagg hasn't found anything except more ways to annoy us. Put a call in to General Rice. I want more information on that robbery," Potter answered.


	2. Chapter 2

Hawkeye, BJ and Charles were changing out of their scrubs in Post Op.

"I asked Margaret to have the nurses keep an eye on that Wilson kid," BJ said, "He's still in pretty bad shape."

"That's the one with wounds in his legs, chest, right arm and left ear…lost a lot of blood?" Charles asked.

"Yes, Charles," BJ continued, "He's got a decent chance of coming through all this. We've just got to watch him carefully over the next couple of days."

Margaret walked into Post Op and updated BJ on Wilson. No change, which was good news – patient was stable.

"Thanks, Margaret, I appreciate it," BJ remarked.

"We all do," Hawkeye added.

At that moment, Colonel Flagg walked into Post Op. When he first entered, he ignored the doctors and looked over the recovering patients.

"Something we can help you with, Colonel Flagg?" Hawkeye began, "I'm sure you've got a very good reason to be here. Now, whether that reason makes any sense…."

"Pierce," Flagg began, "Can it."

"I'd rather bottle it, but we don't usually have that option here," Hawkeye rejoined.

"Let's see – Pierce, Hunnicut, Burns and Houlihan. Can I trust you?" asked Flagg.

"I don't know about Frank Burns," Hawkeye began, "He's been gone for awhile. I believe Major Winchester can answer for himself."

Flagg turned red, "Don't go pointing out anything that has a chance of being incorrect. It's intelligence."

"If you say so," BJ stated.

Flagg then told the four about the payroll robbery, and his effort to track down the five criminals, "We've got good intel on them. Just a matter of time until I find them."

"What do you want us to do?" Margaret asked, "We have patients to attend to."

"Simple," Flagg answered, "You may notice a patient with an injury that seems suspicious. Or see someone unusual around this camp."

"Colonel," Hawkeye began, "As far as suspicious injuries go, the men in Post Op have been suspiciously wounded by gunfire, artillery, grenades, bombs or hand to hand combat."

"Pierce," Flagg replied, "You don't appreciate war."

"I do, Colonel," Hawkeye noted, "It brings us death and destruction. Innocent people of all ages are maimed or killed. Homes destroyed. Young men barely old enough to shave have the opportunity to survive gunfire, grenades, bombs and hand to hand combat. Families never see their loved ones again, and those who do wait for months or years. And I appreciate that Olive Drab must be in season. War brings misery. I certainly can appreciate that, and hate it."

Flagg began, "You don't understand what's going on. Talking with you is a waste of time."

"Colonel, we feel the same way," BJ replied.

At that point, Flagg left the OR.

"A true lunatic," Charles spoke.

"Look under 'lunatic' in the dictionary. Bet you find a picture of him," Hawkeye smiled.

"So, he's on the lookout for robbery suspects. Who'd hijack a payroll? The North Koreans would have headed back to one of their bases – not head out this way," BJ asserted.

"I would agree," Charles nodded.

"Flagg gets to play cops and robbers. He's scary enough when he's just spying. If he's looking to find the suspects, who knows what he'll come up with?" Hawkeye added.

"We should check in with Colonel Potter," Margaret offered.

"You're right," Hawkeye responded to her, "I'd rather get the version from the Colonel. Flagg mixes up the few facts he has with rumors and paranoia."

"Standard procedure from him," Charles noted.

"Exactly why Potter will be able to give us the unedited and realistic version of what Flagg's up to," Hawkeye replied.

The four of them walked out of Post Op and into Colonel Potter's office.


	3. Chapter 3

Colonel Sherman Potter had just gotten off the phone with General Rice when his four senior medical staff came into the office.

"Flagg was in the OR just know, wasn't he?" Potter asked, "Figured it was just a matter of time. Klinger, please come in. I've had an interesting discussion with General Rice." Klinger immediately walked into the office. Potter looked over his staff.

"General Rice told me that there was a payroll robbery, pretty much as Flagg described it," began Potter.

"Colonel Flagg was being accurate about something?" Hawkeye asked.

"Yes, Pierce," Colonel Potter replied, "But there's a lot he's not telling us. According to General Rice, they've captured four of the five who committed the payroll robbery. They've also discovered that the fifth member of the gang is a Private Edward Comstock, who has an extensive disciplinary record. They last saw Comstock when the van broke down, not far from here."

"He's looking for just Private Comstock?" Margaret inquired.

"Probably not," Colonel Potter replied, "General Rice told me that Flagg was ordered to stay in our area, and find out what he could about a Chinese spy."

"So, he's going to be wandering around, trying to look like he isn't, and search for this so called spy?" Hawkeye asked.

"Hawkeye, the spy is real," Potter started, "Apparently fluent in several languages including English. Very good at gathering intelligence. Also does some sabotage work. He's called "Ho Chin," but dollars to donuts that's not his real name."

"Colonel," stated Charles, "Do we even know what this "Ho Chin" looks like? More importantly, does Flagg think he knows."

"Excellent question Winchester," Colonel Potter noted, "According to General Rice, there are no strong descriptions of "Ho Chin." Flagg is flying blind. There's one additional point – sources report that Ho Chin may be in the area. Since Ho Chin speaks Korean fluently, he could pass for one of the locals."

"If they don't know what he looks like, how do they know he's been around here?" asked BJ.

"General Rice said they had very good intelligence on this. He wouldn't tell me what it was, though," Colonel Potter replied, "We're almost as much in the dark as Flagg."

"At least we're willing to admit it," Hawkeye spoke.

"What should we do, Colonel?" Margaret inquired.

"I need you five to keep this on the QT," Potter started, "We aren't in the spy business, here. And we're not going to start. Nor does General Rice expect us to, for that matter. I was told that Flagg can be a "loose cannon," as if that's news to us. Therefore, we're going to do our jobs as we normally do. If we see Flagg or hear of him, we should just keep track of it. We're not to interfere with him, but we can make certain he doesn't interfere with us."

"Doesn't seem like much of a secret, Colonel Potter," Winchester intoned.

"Winchester," Potter added, "A number of people at the 4077th don't know Colonel Flagg. Our job is not to pretend he doesn't exist, much as I wish that were true, just make certain he's not rattling anyone. We're busy enough!"

"Understood," Winchester quietly said.

"For all we know," Potter continued, "Ho Chin has been in and out of this camp posing as a local. He'd try to fit in. I don't know what he could possibly spy on at a MASH, and there's no record of Ho Chin sabotaging medical units."

"That's up to Flagg," Hawkeye said, "As little comfort as it gives me."

"He chases his tail more than anything," Potter mentioned, "So, there's one more concern."

"What's that, Sir?" Klinger asked.

"That intelligence has other, more capable, people looking for Ho Chin. We won't know who they are," Potter stated.

"Another complication. What we don't need," Margaret added.

"Good reason to stay out of the whole thing," Winchester replied.

"Exactly, Major. Our role is to, as you put it, stay out of the whole thing," Potter enunciated.

"Count me," Hawkeye smiled, "As one person very willing to do just that. Nothing!"


	4. Chapter 4

The Officer's Club was half full that night. Someone had unplugged the jukebox after an argument about whether Frank Sinatra or Bing Crosby was the better singer. As Klinger and Sergeant Miller separated the two well-beered men, the jukebox seemed to die. Looked like Nurse Kelly may have pulled the plug, but that didn't matter to Klinger. Once the two fighters had been ejected from the OC on orders by Colonel Potter, the place got back to its' semi-normal mix.

Klinger liked tending bar at the OC. A place where the 4077th staff could try to relax and get away for a time. He was a good listener, so he'd heard quite a few stories. Many started with, "Don't tell anyone." One recovering officer had explained how he'd managed to get enough jeep parts sent to the states to open a repair shop. In one case, a broken armed private explained how he was married to three women at the same time. A rear echelon Major had been wounded in a jeep accident, but couldn't figure out why he'd been promoted twice in six months, "I don't do much. They must think I'm very good at it."

Bartending might be a very good job once he got back to the states, Klinger thought. Freddy Cutler, a good friend of his, was paid in cash every night, not counting tips. Freddy told Klinger that he cleared over seven grand each year. Nice! Plus, Klinger learned that Freddy's bookkeeping friend did his taxes each year. Seemed like Freddy got a check for several hundred dollars every year from the IRS.

So, Klinger had ordered a bartender's guide. He wanted to learn as much as he could and try out some new drinks. Freddy told him that bartenders usually created one or two "special drinks." Good way to build up some regular business if someone could only get a "Klinger Special" where Klinger tended bar. Based on that, Klinger spent spare time at the OC, trying to invent original drink mixes. Then, he "tested" them on folks in the OC to little success. "I'd like you to try something…." Klinger would introduce his new "creation," and people were already steadying their taste buds for an unpleasant experience. Apparently, Orange and Tomato juices did NOT go together.

After some mixing, Klinger took a glass filled with a dark blue liquid. As he scanned the OC, he noticed Colonel Potter, BJ and Hawkeye at a table. "Friends!" Klinger smiled. They'd give his latest 'concoction' a try.

"How goes it, gents?" Klinger asked.

"Fine," Colonel Potter replied, "What's in that glass. The blue stuff?"

"I call it Toledo Summer Sky," Klinger smiled, "I'd like you to let me know what you think."

"Corporal," Potter answered, "I never drink something that looks like it belongs in an engine."

Seeing Klinger's downcast look, Hawkeye reached for the glass, "Let me try this out." He took a sip, looked at the glass, and then took a second sip. Again, Hawkeye looked at the glass, "Hmm," he said, and drank a little more.

"You like it, Hawkeye?" Klinger asked.

"I don't dislike it," Hawkeye began, "but I do drink a lot of water. That's what this tastes like – just plain old water."

"A few minutes ago, it had a wonderful aroma," Klinger noted.

"Sorry, Klinger. Doesn't have that now," Hawkeye shrugged.

"Hmm," Klinger began, "I don't understand…."

"Max," BJ responded, "I think I know what happened. Science."

"Science, BJ?" Klinger was puzzled.

"Yes. When you mix certain things together, they stay together. Like orange juice and vodka in a Screwdriver," BJ explained, "Sometimes, the things you mix together don't stay together. Science. Like mixing oil and water."

"Oil and water, Sir?" Klinger asked.

"BJ's talking about something you could stir together, but they wouldn't stay together. Probably what happened with this drink. When you noticed that "wonderful aroma," it was only temporary," Hawkeye added.

Klinger thought for a moment and looked at the glass, "Well, I guess everything worked out in the end."

"How so?" Colonel Potter asked.

"I got so excited about this drink, halfway through, I forgot to write down all the ingredients. Couldn't duplicate it if I tried," Klinger smiled.

"You do have a list of some ingredients," Hawkeye stated.

"Indeed," Klinger grinned, "Just got too excited."

"Keep that list. You'll know how NOT to start your next creation," Hawkeye smiled.

"It's the first drink I've created that someone hasn't spit out or yelled at me," Klinger replied.

"That's progress," Hawkeye finished, and went up to the bar to get more pretzels. 


End file.
